A Brand New Decade

I'm still having a hard time with it. It all happened so quickly and it didn't ask my permission. Now when I wake up, it's a completely different answer when the questions asked, "How old are you?"

[30] to me is a loaded number. This particular age sort of stands alone and it tells a story. It carries a lot of baggage and clout. Yet, it's truly a brand new chapter and a clean slate.

People respond differently when I say how old I am now. It's no longer... "Oh cool!" (with a smile and a comfortable change of subject)

Now it's, "Oh.....!" (followed by a long pause with eyebrows raised as if I have to continue talking or something...)

Sure, I've had many people reassure me by saying, "You're doing fine, look at your wonderful family," or "You're still young, stop the belly aching!" But it's got nothing to do with any of that. It's extremely tough to explain other than it's a highlighted demarcation in my life complete with crime scene tape flashing lights and fireworks. I don't feel any older, but this birthday carries more weight than all the other ones. It's like a brand new vocabulary word I will have to get used to using.

Th-e-r-r-t-e-e.

I think I remember when my mom was around that age. Of course I don't recall a great deal because I was in kindergarten, but still. She reminds me everytime I see her that was 'round about the time that I told her quit visiting me at recess because my friends made fun of me. And she cried herself back to work. I've given some of my friends a difficult time when they said they were approaching or had reached their thirties. I feel bad about it now.

Besides 15, 18 and 21, I've never given much thought to my age. In the past, I had my birthdays and then I forgot about them the next day. I certainly have never blogged about any of my other birthdays in this fasion. There are pictures of cake and smiles and balloons and stuff, but nothing so deeply moving.

Maybe now I'm beginning to realize that I have a lot to do. I don't mean that in a way that I feel pressured to prove myself to the world, or that I need to generate some huge list to occupy my days. It just means that I want my movements to be a little more intentional. And I thank God that I know who He is, because that last sentence is fairly overwhelming. Especially now that I better understand my propensity to be an absolute bonehead.

I know I'm not dying right away, my body isn't falling apart and I have plenty of great years ahead of me. I guess I've begun paying attention to these "years" a little more than I have before.

Here I go!